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A swarm of Bees






Listen to the Poet Read
 Jack was always going to do the jobs around the house
That were were requested regularly by Sue, his patient spouse;
But, somehow, things were rarely done, for Jack preferred instead
To ask a mate or two to share some drinks down in his shed.

As Sue was working in the house one fine November day,
A largish swarm of bees arrived, and seemed content to stay
Within the wall that stood between the kitchen and verandah;
Since Jack was slow in tackling them, it raised his spouse's dander!

For several days the bees remained, and really were a pest,
But long-wed Jack was expert at ignoring Sue's requests.
At last, exasperated, Sue gave Jack an ultimatum,
"It's either me or bees that go - I tell you, Jack, I hate 'em!"

"They've followed me about the house; they've fallen in the stew;
They've interrupted all this week the things I've gone to do.
I won't be home till evening, Jack; I'm off to town today,
If there are bees when I get back, I'll leave you straight away!"

These words he heard caused Jack to shake, he knew his wife was serious,
For this was no benign request, but a command imperious!
Not wishing for his wife to leave, he answered Susan's warning;
"I'll see the wretched swarm of bees is all removed this morning!"

When Susan left, Jack called his mate, "I've got a job to do;
And I'm not sure I'll get it done without some help from you."
Steve came around to help his friend, but first they had a drink.
And then he said, "It's easiest to smoke them out, I think."

They lit some old and oily rags and put them in the vent.
The acrid smoke stirred up the bees, but few, if any, went!
So Jack and Steve went to the shed to have a further think;
And, since the day was pretty warm, they had another drink!

It took a drink, or maybe three, before ideas struck,
"I know," said Steve. "We'll use the hose, they'll drown with any luck."
But all they did was flood the floor, and stain the kitchen wall;
They didn't drown a single bee, not a single bee at at all.

Back to the shed and a drink again; then other schemes they tried;
But the bees stayed put within the wall, and not one insect died.
At last Jack thought of a clever plan, to remove the window frame,
And vacuum up the swarm of bees before his Susan came.

Late in the afternoon it was when the window frame came out:
And Steve and Jack, their hopes up high, gave an early victory shout!
"This plan of ours can't fail," said Steve, "These bees are soon to die."
"No doubt about it," Jack replied. "We're brilliant, you and I!"

The drinks were beginning to take effect, and both were three parts gone
When they stuck the pipe in the swarm of bees and switched the vacuum on!
Then it was only a matter of time, and the bees were in the bag;
Their ploy, it seemed, had done the job far better than smoky rags!

But, 'though they were caught, the bees weren't dead, and the vacuum fiercely roared,
As the angry swarm kept up their din - they couldn't be ignored!
So Steve came up with the bright idea to gas the blooming lot,
And down on the floor beside the stove they found the connecting spot.

Lying flat on the floor they pushed the hose of the vacuum on the pipe
That brought the gas to the stove inside, and then the time was ripe
To turn the gas and the vacuum on, and this they did with glee;
And a loud explosion rent the air, and the room was filled with bees!

Five minutes it was, at the very least, before the men came to,
And surveyed the sad and sorry scene, and their consternation grew,
For the door was split, and the vacuum gone; but what was worst of all,
Dead bees were plastered inches thick on ceiling, cupboards and wall!

It was then that Sue came home from town, and their knees began to knock,
But Sue, surveying the dismal scene, recovered from the shock
And laughed and laughed both loud and long at Steve and her husband, Jack,
With hair all singed and their beards too, and shirts blown off their backs!

Jack painted the walls and the ceiling, too, and mended the kitchen door.
And the jobs to be done around the house are not put off any more.
But, down at the pub, both he and Steve are very much ill at ease,
For someone always asks them both how to shift a swarm of bees!
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